Conclusion of the previous journal....

Well, my parents met up with my counselor....And when she heard my parents had believed that the reason she had called them was because they'd thought she was going to conclude that I was irreversibly insane and must be locked away in an asylum, her immediate reaction was: "What? They actually said that?? No, your daughter's not crazy! She simply has OCD!" ¬¬ Hah. As I've told you, Mother and Father, -she only wanted to talk to you about obsessive-compulsive disorder-.

Yet, even after hearing that from her, they still thought OCD was something that was going to involve an asylum because they could not wrap their minds around my counselor's explanation for OCD....
"I believe your daughter may have OCD, and--"
"Oh-See-Dee....?"
"Yes, OCD stands for 'obsessive-compulsive disorder', and it's actually quite a common condition that--"
"What is it?"
"It's typically when a person is plagued by unwanted intrusions of thoughts known as obsessions, and they feel the need to complete these tasks, these rituals, known as compulsions, in order to relieve the stress of obsess--"
"So what's wrong with our daughter?"
"...."
(Even when they've chastised me for apparently being 'rude' and 'cold', they can't stand to listen to my counselor without interrupting.... ¬¬ )

So my counselor tries to inform them for the 10 to 15 minutes that remained before first period and suggested they allow me to talk to the school therapist while they searched for an outside psychologist (or, at least, find a way to get me medication). Fortunately, this most likely means I -won't- be receiving medication because my parents have no idea how (or be talking to a psychologist outside of school, either). As for the school therapist....It's been about two weeks, and I haven't been summoned to see him yet, so I'm not sure if the therapy idea's going to be pulled out, though I'm not so concerned for that.

Regardless, my parents still do not understand OCD, but they pretend they do as they leave, and I decide to stay back in the counselor's office for another hour and a half (which meant I missed first period and half of second) to talk to her about my situation at home with my parents.

....Her conclusion (after hearing about my parents' fairly sexist tendencies, their stress-inducing, and the stunt that happened because of them in eighth grade, etc.) was....I -must- move away from my parents as soon as high school's over.
"So you must be excited about college coming up so you can move out, huh?"
"Well, yes....but my parents have been insisting on this idea that I attend a college close by so that I could remain with them in the house...."
"Oh dear, no, you -must- move away from them."
Even my counselor agrees....

I honestly do not mind my counselor. As a matter of fact, I'm so much more tolerable of her than my parents. I understand that she's only trying to suggest to my parents that I get help before I end up falling academically. I don't really mind the idea of a therapist either. It's simply my parents. - -'

-x-

Back at home, that night, during dinner, my father has the gall to try to ingrain in me this idea of lying to the therapist if he were to ask me about them. >>
"If the therapist asks about us, don't say anything."
"Hn."
"If he asks you something like "Oh, are your parents fighting?", tell him 'no', okay?"
"Hn."
"Don't cause us anymore trouble, understand?"
"Yes. >> (As if I'll lie to the therapist about this....)"

But, regardless, as mentioned earlier, the school therapist has not called me in yet....

-x-

I've been feeling so much more content now. Slightly ragged from so much busy work (such a devoted AP English teacher I have, giving us an essay assignment [due right at the next day] right in the middle of a disaster drill; isn't he wonderful? [Well, half-sarcasm; he's not such a bad teacher - simply gives out too much work.), trying to keep up with the 'college strategy' of high school, and spending as little time as I can away from my parents (I now basically seek refuge at a friend's house until around 6:45 almost every day....). The only other thing I need to keep an eye on are my classes....

End of the first half of the semester now....Hm....I need to catch up further in my classes.... '¬¬

Oh well....

-x-

Additional Note:
I hope you have/had a wonderful birthday, Passion.

Ranting. DISREGARD


¬¬ Most ridiculous day ever. Pulled out of fourth period right after class started to go see a counselor who concluded I had a disorder and sent me to the nurse's office while she called a psychologist to come see me and possibly suggest psychiatrist or therapist (or "the rapist"). About 45 minutes later, the psychologist arrives and concludes that I may have a disorder and orders the nurse to call my parents to:
1. come pick me up, which is impossible considering:
a) my mother is at work that's about an hour or so drive away from our area
b) my father would have to walk about half an hour to my school considering my mother must use the car to get to work
c) my father can't come anyway since he must watch over my two siblings

2. meet with my counselor - now they can discuss about a disorder I apparently have that they never knew about and gain another excuse to complain about me and how disappointing I turned out to be!

3. see a psychiatrist for medication to treat my apparent disorder

4. discuss ways to help me cope with stress brought by
a) school
b) my disorder
c) my parents (the psychologist simply assumed I must be dealing with school stresses that must be stimulating my apparent neurotic mind)


The nurse spends the next half hour or so trying to contact my parents (unfortunately, she succeeded after some effort). It's so distressing when you're pulled onto the office phone to talk to your mother, and the conversation ends up:
"What happened?"
"...."
"Did you get into an argument with the teacher?"
"No."
"Is something wrong?"
"Not really...."
"What's wrong?"
"...."
"Why are you in the nurse's office?"
"...."
"What's wrong??"
"...."
"Is it school?"
"....No."
"Is someone picking on you?"
"No."
"Is it us (her and my father)? "
"What?"
"It's us, isn't it?"
"No, it's not that. '>>" (Well, yes, technically, it would be them, but really, why would I give her a reason to continue ranting on the phone?)
"Then what is it?"
"...."
"What's wrong?!"
"........"
"Let me talk to the nurse again."


How was I supposed to tell her "I was distressed by the way my classmates were rearranging the desks into a disorderly lack of columns and rows, which reminded me that I may not have placed everything in order back in my room, which may throw off my work capabilities that I may fail, which entirely reminds me of my stress and resentment towards you, and will have to curl up in a corner and die if I failed and ended up not going to college and live in a miserable life of utmost poverty, especially considering the current situation of the economy."?


After that, I asked the nurse if I may be released back to my classes (particularly sixth, since there was a meeting I was summoned for regarding colleges and such). The repetitive response of "I'm sorry, I have to follow orders of Insert Whatever The Psychologist's Name Was Here." kept playing. Half an hour before school ends, she finally releases me, but I can't go back to class anyway, since punctuality is crucial and I can't simply saunter into a meeting half-over when it was so clearly stated that I must arrive on point, so I end up sitting on a bench outside in distress for the remaining half hour, paying no attention to the stray students and teachers passing by, occasionally asking "Are you okay?" So I missed about half of my classes and a potentially useful/important meeting. '>>


School ends; I seek some refuge in a friend's house until 6 (at least that part allowed me to relax for a few hours). Then I trudge the 40 minutes or so back from her house to my house, and typically, my father starts to ask about what happened, why he was called and summoned to school to see the counselor tomorrow morning, etc. And, inevitably, my mother will return home and interrogate me with infuriating persistence in less than an hour. In fact, I hear my father discussing the calls with my mother over the phone right now.... >>


I was not even having a good day to start with. I do not look forward to what may happen due to the insistence of the counselor, psychologist, and nurse.



--------

Ranting (Part 2)


Two hours of constant yelling and complaining. Your parents ask you about why they were called to talk to the counselor, and before you can even answer, they immediately conclude that you must be some schizophrenic, anti-social murderer in the making and blame it on your friends, music, and interests.


Two. Hours. At dinner. One hour and 45 minutes more than I need to tolerate the repetitive:
"Why are you so cold?!"
"Now the counselor thinks you have a problem!"
"You're too anti-social!"
"You're going to grow up alone!"
"You're going to end up killing people someday!"
"People will think we've abused you!"
"They're going to lock you away [in an asylum]!"
"Why don't you have friends?!" (What the firetruck; I have friends, and they're so much more trustworthy than them. #>> )
"You have problems!"
"Ah, forget it! We give up on you!" (They've already claimed they've given up on me. If they have, they would have stopped ranting years ago, and I would have been relieved.)


Listening to this retardation for two freaking hours, when the counselor only wanted to talk to them about obsessive-compulsive disorder!


And they've drained away whatever time I had left over for homework.... #>>

I'd intended to rant on my journal today. I changed my mind - too much typing regarding the retardation of my parents. ¬¬ No point in unloading stress onto everyone else. Instead, let's see my variation of the survey that was earlier posted by .


What Mythological Creature Are You?

Centaur:
[ ] You are rather wild, and let your instincts run you.
[ ] You get drunk a lot.
[ ] Bravery and boldness is second nature to you.
[ ] You have a deep love for astronomy and the universe.
[ ] You like to read your daily horoscope.
[x] You have a high level of pride in yourself.
[x] In the woods is the best place for you to be.
[x] You are spiritual.
[ ] The horse is one of your favorite animal.
[x] You are possessive and territorial.
Total: 4

Elf:

[ ] Your ears are slightly pointed at the tips (be honest!).
[x] You are very intelligent. (My friends insist on having this checked. ¬¬ )
[ ] Your five senses are extremely keen.
[x] Your weight is quite a bit lighter than the average person at your particular height.
[x] You always wear elegant clothes and speak as politely as possible. (It's become fairly ingrained now.)
[x] You are most at peace when you are gazing at something beautiful, like nature.
[x] You look very young for your age.
[x] You rarely get sick.
[x] You are a very hard worker.
[x] Above all other superpowers, you would love to read minds or see the future.
Total: 8

Fairy:
[ ] You are happy a lot of the time.
[ ] The best superpower to you would be to fly.
[ ] You are very shy.
[x] You love the forest and plant life in general.
[x] You are always willing to help others, even if you might not be the best to offer aid.
[x] You are young and short.
[ ] Dancing is one of your favorite pastimes.
[/] If someone ticks you off, you are very clever with getting them back.
[ ] Your clothing isn't always presentable, but you are comfortable with what you wear.
[ ] Circles are a wonderful symbol of unity to you.
Total: 3.5

Gnome/Dwarf:
[ ] You are excellent with crafts and handiwork.
[x] In social situations, you tend to be a little awkward.
[ ] You are short for your age.
[x] You are an isolationist.
[ ] You love to play practical jokes on people.
[ ] You are extremely fascinated with jewelry.
[ ] You look older than your age.
[x] You love the woods and the mountains.
[ ] You are well off, or come from a family that is well off.
[ ] You have a short temper.
Total: 3

Harpy/Siren:
[ ] You are best at talking bad about people behind their backs and not to their face.
[/] When you are annoyed, you will go to a great extent to torment whoever did so to you.
[/] You often take things that aren't yours.
[ ] You are easily angered.
[x] Death fascinates you.
[x] You are female, or a feminine-looking man. (People claim I'm a boyish-looking female.)
[ ] You associate yourself with the wind element.
[/] You can switch quickly between your light and dark side.
[/] You love to trick others.
[/] You have a ravenous appetite.
Total: 4.5

Mermaid:
[ ] You love the beach more so because of the water than the shore itself.
[ ] Fish are some of the most beautiful creatures to you.
[ ] The ultimate superpower to you would be to breathe underwater.
[ ] You enjoy looking at ships, but not riding them, as well as you like ships for traveling, not hunting in the sea.
[ ] You are good at swimming.
[ ] You like to collect shells.
[ ] You use sea items as jewelry or decoration.
[ ] You enjoy learning about the ocean and the life inside it.
[x] You are extremely against ocean pollution, and someday, perhaps, you will work to stop that.
[ ] Legs on land are not as important as a fin in the sea.
Total: 1

Vampire:
[x] You're a night person.
[x] You have a fascination with blood.
[ ] You are pale.
[x] You wish you had a bat as a pet.
[x] You are not religious at all.
[ ] Tight spaces are not scary or uncomfortable for you.
[x] The sun's glare annoys you all too often.
[x] You hate food with lots of garlic in it.
[ ] To you, a kiss on the neck is more romantic than a kiss on the cheek or lips.
[ ] You don't like sharp objects near you.
Total: 6

Werewolf:
[x] The full moon is the most beautiful scene to you.
[ ] You have a lot of body hair.
[/] The ability to shapeshift is the best superpower to you.
[ ] You prefer gold over silver items.
[x] You lack self control. (Why must everything be so disorderly?!)
[x] You find it easier to have sympathy for animals than for humans.
[x] You have a deep respect for wolves and wild dogs.
[x] You like to be alone.
[x] You have a terrible secret and you only tell people you trust 100% about it.
[x] You'd rather be outdoors than indoors.
Total: 7.5

Wizard/Witch:
[ ] You love chemistry.
[x] You are intuitive and good at analyzing people, to the point that people seriously or jokingly say you're psychic.
[x] The most amazing supernatural power to you is controlling the elements.
[x] You are a nature lover.
[x] You have a strong sense of responsibility.
[x] You spent a lot of time alone.
[ ] You usually hang around with a certain animal all the time when you feel lonely.
[x] You are spiritual, but not necessarily religious.
[ ] Cooking is one of your favorite things to do.
[ ] You enjoy learning about Wicca and the occult.
Total: 6

Zombie:
[ ] You are pale.
[/] You are hungry a lot.
[x] Many activities you do every day make you feel mindless, or like a drone. (In reference to the Werewolf's "lacking self-control")
[x] Most of the time you or a part of you is cold. (Vincent: "Inside your body, in the cavity where your heart is supposed to be, is the piece of ice scientists are looking for to prove the existence of absolute-zero; they're simply too terrified to get near you.")
[x] You love to eat meat.
[ ] You would resort to cannibalism if that was the only source of food.
[ ] You make grunts and moans a lot.
[x] You enjoy learning about psychology because you study the brain.
[ ] You usually walk slow.
[ ] You are not afraid of seeing a lot of blood or getting a lot of blood on yourself.
Total: 4.5

Apparently, I'm elf-dominant with traces of werewolf, vampire, and witch.

....If there's one fact that's always attached itself to my mind like some faithful leech whenever I go on dA, it's the fact that this account is two years old, and I've yet to submit anything. Oh well.

School-ranting from this point on. Feel free to disregard.

Starting the final year of my high school tenure; today's barely the third day, and so many things are already taking place. I suppose this generally happens for most everyone. People still mistake me for a boy. And try to hug/glomp/tackle/nuzzle me. And insist on playing with my hair. And scratching 7s all over my stuff. Not entirely annoying, but not entirely amusing either....

On another note, I've somehow been pulled into AP Art: Drawing this year. No idea whatsoever how it ever ended up on my schedule; people normally take Art III before AP Art, but somehow, I ended up finishing Art II and was bumped over Art III onto AP. '¬¬ I don't entirely mind this, but there's one thing that nags at me constantly: Being in an AP Art class means having to draw at least 24 art pieces for a portfolio by this year's end. And they're meant to be professional-level images. Normally, we're allowed to pass over any images from our previous years of art into this year's portfolio, but I resent basically all of my products of my past art experiences, so I'll end up starting the portfolio right at the beginning.

I'm barely even up to the level of amateur, I'm freakishly demanding about details, and I'm being expected to draw 24 professional-level art images in 8 to 9 months. I must say, that's quite intimidating, even for me....I can always drop down to Art III, I suppose, but at the same time, I'm most likely going to end up impaling myself for allowing myself to be scared off by such a factor. And there's also the likelihood that Tsunami/Vincent's going to interrogate me about why I'd drop down since we're both in the same art class this year, but that's really nothing. I suppose I'll remain in the class and actually try and see what happens. Perhaps I'll actually be able to produce something worth posting on dA; although, that's almost entirely impossible.

Done because apparently demands it since she tagged me.

1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
"You must not interfere, come what may. You understand?"
-The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

2.Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you reach?
An approximately 10in.x20in. television.

3. What is the last thing you watched glimpsed on TV?
Spongebob. ¬¬ =Younger sister is using tv next to computer=

4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
4:58 pm.

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
4:55 pm.

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The tv, in reference to question 3, as the sounds of Spongebob leak through my earphones before I increase the volume of the music.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Yesterday, 10am, heading to GameCrazy.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Lor's dA journal....

9. What are you wearing?
Black pants.
White, collared shirt.
White t-shirt underneath.

10. Did you dream last night?
As if I would remember....

11. When did you last laugh?
....I don't recall.

12. What are on the walls of the room you are in?
....Windows.

13. Seen anything weird lately?
Everything that happens every second of my life.

14. What do you think of this quiz?
No opinion whatsoever.

15. What is the last film you saw?
In theaters? Something from five years ago. =Hasn't been to the movie theaters since then=

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
....

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know about.
....What would you know about me to begin with....?

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
End humanity.

19. Do you like to dance?
No.

20. George Bush:
....lacks political common sense.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?


22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
I don't plan on having children.

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
It's the only thing I've ever considered when it comes to moving.

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
"....There's clearly been a mistake. You shouldn't be here."

25. Tag six people who must also do this in THEIR journal.
¬¬


1. First thing you wash in the shower??
My hair.

2. What color is your favorite hoodie??
Grey.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again??
.... =Has not kissed anyone=

4. Do you plan outfits??
No.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now??
....

6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red??
....My father's worship shrine that's in a completely different room.

7. Do you say aim or a-i-m??
I say 'messenger'.

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having.
....I remember none.

9. Did you meet anybody new today??
No.

10. What are you craving right now??
....

11. Do you floss??
Yes.

12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
....The cabbage merchant exclamining "My cabbages!!"

13. When was the last time you talked on aim??
Today.

14. Are you emotional??
........

15. Would you dance to the taco song??
I don't dance to anything. ¬¬

16. Have you ever counted to 1,000 infinity??
Of course.

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it??
Depends. =Yelling at her friends to get their minds out of the gutter=

18. Do you like your hair??
....I suppose.

19. Do you like yourself??
No. ¬¬

20. Have you ever met a celebrity??
I don't recall.

21. Do you like cottage cheese??
I don't even remember if I've ever had cottage cheese.

22. What are you listening to right now??
Scars Left By Time.

23. How many countries have you visited??
....None. Unless you count the one I live in.

24. Are your parents strict??
To a degree.

25. Would you go sky diving??
Probably.

26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush??
....For what reason....?

28. Is there anything shiny in the room you're in??
My tape measure.

29. Have you ever been in a castle??
Not that I know of.

30. Do you rent movies?
I hardly watch movies in general.

31. Who sits in behind you in your history class??
One of the most abrasive people in school who used to call me 'The Grudge' during freshman year. It still amuses me.

32. Have you made a prank phone call??
No.

33. Do you own a gun??
....What kind of gun?

34. Can you count backwards from 74??
Asking if one could count backwards from infinity is a better question.

35. Who are you going to be with tonight??
Insanity.

36. Brown or white eggs??
Either.

37. Do you own something from Hot Topic??
Of course.

38. Ever been on a train??
....I've been on the metro....

39. Like the person you’re dating??
=Is not dating anyone=

40. Do you have a cell-phone?
Yes. At least until I throw it out the window.

41. Are you too forgiving??
I shall ask my friends that question.

42. Do you use chap stick??
No.

43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow??
As if I would know.

44. Can you use chop sticks??
Of course. I use them every night.

45. Ever have cream puffs??
Not that I know of....

46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect??
No.

47. What was the last question you asked??
When I asked my father "....Why do you insist on being incompetant? ¬¬"

48. What was the last CD you bought??
A blank one for a friend.

49. Boys or girls??
Either or neither.

50. What is your bus number for school??
I don't ride the bus.

51. Is your hair curly??
No.

52. Last time you cried??
....I don't even remember.

53. Ever walked into a wall??
I've shoved someone into a wall....Does that count?

54. Do looks matter??
Not that I care.

56. Have you ever slapped someone??
I don't slap. I use other forms of injuring.

57. Favorite time of the year??
....I don't think I have one.

58. Favorite color??
Black, gray, white.

59. Are you sarcastic??
Of course not. (But how can you tell if that's sarcasm?)

60. Do you have any tattoos??
No.

61. The last person you held hands with??
No one, as far as I've recalled.

62. Do you sleep with the TV on??
I've slept with my music player on. (Yes, I listen to music as I sleep sometimes. >> )

63. Where was your default picture taken at??
My default picture....?

64. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people??
I dislike more than 30.

65. Do you like your life right now??
....I lack an opinion of it.

66. How often do you talk on the phone??
Only a few times a month or so (those being the more lively months).

67. What is your favorite animal??
Anything large, wild, with anything comparable to claws or fangs, and not best suggested for a pet.

68. What was the most recent thing you bought??
The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask and Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards on Virtual Console.

69. Do you have good vision??
.... =Is nearly to the point of being blind=

70. Can you hoola hoop?
Doubtful. I've never tried.

71. Could you ever forgive a cheater??
What kind of cheater? A cheater in a video game?

72. Do you have a job??
No.

73. Can you handle the truth??
Can you handle the lies?

74. What are you wearing??
I already answered that question. >>

75. Have you ever crawled through a window??
=Contemplates= A car window, when I was in elementary school.